Friday, 7 October 2011

X Factor Anonymous - one dad's unhealthy addiction to a prime time TV show

‘My name is Simon and I’m an X Factor addict’.  There you go, I’ve finally said it.  It’s out there. 
So, now you all know my real name.  What?  The X Factor addict bit?!  Oh, I don’t care about that!
Everyone’s entitled to their ‘guilty pleasures’ and I’m sure I’m not the only dad who loves this programme.  So what if I put ‘The Circus’ by Take That on in the car the other day whilst I was on my own?!  So what if I have a soft spot for the band Keane?!  So what if I find ‘California Gurls’ by Katy Perry bloody catchy?! “I am allowed!”, he added, rather defensively.
So anyway, I digress, where was I? Oh yeah, The X Factor.
So, tomorrow night, 16 of the UK’s ‘Biggest vocal talents’ (!) will once again be going head to head to see who will get the Number 1 spot in the UK Music Charts at Christmas.
Not that anyone cares about that accolade anymore – how many of us actually know what’s in the charts nowadays?  (I haven’t surveyed any 11-14 year olds for this Blog post and their answer could well be ‘lots’ but I’m sure amongst those people reading right now, the answer is probably ‘none’).  It’s not like you have Top of the Pops anymore or the suspense of the chart rundown on a Sunday afternoon when you’d record all of the best songs on your tape deck and find out whether Wham had gone straight into the Top 10.  And they’re not even guaranteed the Number 1 spot nowadays anyway.  I’m wondering which song it will be this year, like Rage Against the Machine’s classic ‘Killing in the Name’ a couple of years back, which will try and spoil the party.
Also you’ve probably got more chance of making it big now if you don’t win – Joe McWho?  Olly Murs (who came 2nd that year) is doing okay for himself (sort of).  JLS are doing even better and they came 2nd the year before.  Matt Cardle?! Erm…Cher Lloyd’s doing rather well for herself (and she didn’t even finish in the Top 3) and I’m sure One Direction will outsell the lot of them once they release their ‘masterpiece’ (I’m on tenterhooks!)
You’ve probably guessed by now that I don’t really like some of the contestants (I like all the judges though, Louis can be a bit of a wally on the show but he's harmless - and fair play that he hasn't kicked off for being given the worst category for the 27th year running), or the music (I like the originals but not some of the ‘murdered’ versions on the show) on X Factor - so why do I still bother watching it?!  I just love that it’s a good talking point amongst friends, colleagues, family, fellow Twitter and Facebook users and the bloke behind you in the queue at Tesco etc and there is something ‘feel good’ about it that I can’t quite put my finger on.  I do genuinely get excited before it's on - I am that sad! We’ve even done an X Factor sweepstake in our office to give the show an extra competitive element - £5 in each, winner takes all.  I picked Cardle out of the hat last year so am the reigning champion.  This year I’ve got The Risk (the riskiest £5 I’ve ever invested, if you ask me!)  They won’t win – but do you want to know who will?!  Well, I can’t tell you for sure, of course, and there are bound to be loads of twists and turns, and the odd bit of laryngitis caught by the contestants along the way.  But from what I know, at this moment in time, here is my prediction for this year from 16th (first out – never heard of again) to 1st (winner – stand-in for a West End show within 2 years). 
I have also factored in the following :
1.       Kitty (the one no-one likes) will be in the bottom two most weeks but will survive until she comes up against someone the judges can’t get rid of e.g. too good a singer or Frankie.  She will be the main talking point this year (as Katie Waissel and Wagner were last year) so they’ll have to keep her in for as long as possible for PR purposes (and so people like me can talk about her to other people – see the list above).
2.       Frankie will also stay in until there are only good singers left for the same reason, and because he has tattoos on his bum cheeks.
3.       Louis’ unpredictable / twatty voting.
4.       ‘The X-Factor Twist’ – 4 people are going home this weekend, one from each category.  Or so I’ve heard anyway.  If it’s not true then my prediction is void straight away!
So here goes :
The four leaving in ‘the Twist’ – Jonjo Kerr, 2 Shoes, Sophie Habibis, Craig Colton
12th – Johnny Robinson, 11th – Rhythmix, 10th – Nu Vibe, 9th – Sami Brookes,
8th – Misha Bryan, 7th – The Risk, 6th – Kitty Brucknell, 5th – Frankie Cocozza,
4th – Janet Devlin, 3rd – Marcus Collins, 2nd – James Michael, 1st – Amelia Lily
So there you have it.  If you watch it, it would be great to know your predictions too.  If you don’t then any weaning tips would be much appreciated…

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