How to live your failed music career through your children

According to someone else's statistics, 93% of human beings already are or would love to be in a band. Out of that 93%, 88% have dabbled musically in their lives and dream that one day this might still happen. The other 12% were unable to answer as they were on tour.

Although I've just made those figures up, I reckon a majority of you reading this would give up your chosen career right now if Bono came up to you in the pub and said "look, I can't do this anymore and really need you to take over from me. Here's The Edge's number, tell him I sent you. The secret U2 password is "nice leather chaps".

You'd be mad not to, wouldn't you?

But, hang on, what about your other half? What about your kids? What about the rest of your family oh and the notice period you'd have to give to your work? You can't just turn up at home and say "but I AM 'The Chosen One', I saw Bono in the pub and he said so" - they aren't going to buy it. And anyway, everyone knows Bono only drinks in wine bars and not pubs.

So where do you go from here? There's a musician in there waiting to burst out and it doesn't do anyone any good if you suppress the rock star within you does it?!

Well, ladies and gentlemen, there is still hope. I recommend that from now on we all try and live our failed music careers through our children! Britney Spears's folks did it, and they are the modellist of model parents, so why can't we?!

But I have to be honest with you, it won't be easy. So, to help you achieve this goal, I've devised a 10 step plan for you to follow. I warn you now, it won't help, but here it is anyway :

Step 1 - Get your kids into music

It doesn't matter what, anything with a melody is good. I personally wouldn't buy a One Direction album for myself but my daughter loves them, and knows every word, and that's all that matters isn't it?  Getting them to sing along is a great starting point as well, get those vocal chords trained early, and watch the hard cash roll in in about 20 years or so. 

Just remember to keep your kids thinking that you're doing this all for them and not you.  The first rule of 'how to live your failed music career through your children' club is to not to reveal that you are 'living your failed music career through your children erm...club'.

Step 2 - Buy them a guitar

Okay, I admit I would love my kids to be drummers, like Meg out of The White Stripes, but transporting drums would be a nightmare.

Bass players just aren't cool enough and no-one ever remembers who they are. As for being lead vocalist, at the moment, your child probably sounds like a young Aled Jones when they sing so that is definitely a no no.  And how many of the best ever lead vocalists have gone on to present Daybreak?  It wouldn't and shouldn't happen.  Although Aled is a very nice man and I would really like to give him a man hug one day.

Ahem, anyway, so guitar it is then.  Oh and it has to be an electric one as anything sounds good with an effects pedal.  My parents bought me an acoustic guitar when I was younger and I just sounded rubbish.

Step 3 (is it just me, or is this post starting to sound like a New Kids on the Block song?!) - Buy them some classic albums

We've all got our own views on what constitutes a 'classic'. I have a soft spot for the first Bucks Fizz album whereas other people may think it's a load of pants.

However, in my opinion, some classic albums are 'Rubber Soul' by The Beatles, 'Pet Sounds' by The Beach Boys and 'OK Computer' by Radiohead. If they try to reject them lie and say that they are Harry Styles's new side project or something. Try anything, just get them to listen!

Step 4 ("I can give you more") - Get them to practice

This is the boring bit so let's move on...

Step 5 - Get them to form a band

Once they've practiced enough, it's time to form a band (woo-hoo! High five everyone in the room immediately!) Preferably this will be with school friends as then you can get the music teacher to help them all with Step 4 as you and the other mums and dads can't be arsed.

Hopefully not everyone will read my step 2 above in too much detail as this could mean you end up with 5 guitarists in the band and no singer or drummer - this is not a good! Actually, on second thoughts it's quite a good USP - do it!

Your child's band also needs a name. I've never been a big fan of plugging my old blog posts but, as I've been gone for a year and everyone's forgotten who I am, I'm going to anyway. If you have some magnetic words at home, go here now - musodad's band name game

We used 'musodad's band name game' to choose my daughter's band name 'Groovy Conker'. They will be the biggest band on the planet in 2025 - you read it here first! (Actually you may have read it here first - 'Daddy's Beard' - the debut single by Groovy Conker but, as I said before, I've never been a big fan of plugging my old blog posts).

Step 6 - Get them a manager and a lawyer

I'm going to put my serious head on now - you must NOT manage them. Dave from down the pub must NOT be their Lawyer.  I know it's tempting, and you have their best interests at heart, but no, no. NO!

However, if you've had music industry experience in the past and Dave from down the pub used to be a Lawyer then I'm sure you'll be okay.

Actually, before I say it'll be okay, I'd better consult Tarquin, my PR Adviser as I don't want to speak out of turn.  Hmmm, Tarquin says he thinks you'll be okay as a manager but just watch out for Dave. Tarquin doesn't trust Dave.


Step 7 - Refuse to let them go on any music talent shows

It just won't look cool in 10 years time if people remember. Their fans will turn against them, there will be a music press backlash and the tabloid newspapers will drag up loads of rumours about them from years and years ago.

Actually, any PR is good PR isn't it? Hmmm, let me once again consult with Tarquin, my PR Adviser, and we'll re-think this step and get back to you.  Thank you for your patience.

Step 8 - Get them playing live

Getting the band to play pubs / clubs is a surefire way to earn some hard cash or free beer (for you, of course - Babycham for the kids) and you may even get on the guestlist and meet the band afterwards if you're lucky! The band are probably living / practicing in your spare room at this point anyway but I was just trying to make it sound exciting!

It's usually the manager's job to sort live gigs out (and at this stage you could well be their manager, don't listen to my advice in Step 6, what the bloody hell do I know?!!) but make sure you use and abuse your connections - get them playing your friend's barbeque, your best mate's wedding, your parents' house, anywhere will do!

Repeat this step a few times and they'll soon be headlining Glastonbury (if they didn't split up after the first gig cause they were rubbish - a bit like my old band 'Pre-historic Wife'. I did write a blog post on that too once but can't be bothered to go and find it).

Step 9 - Publicise them!

Bore everyone you know, and everyone you don't know, that your child is in a band.

Hassle radio station DJ's, the music press, music bloggers on twitter (I know one well if you want me to have a word with him.  I have to warn you know though that he's a bit pants and no-one ever listens to his recommendations anyway). If they tell you they are rubbish, get the band a different style of haircut and then go and hassle them again!

If you lose friends along the way, cause all you do is 'go on about that bloody band' so be it! When they're famous you can tell your friends 'I told you so'. Except you won't have any friends left. But you'll have the band! The band is all you need...

Step 10 - Reap the rewards!

It's payback time baby! This is the point when you remind your child who bought them their first guitar, who used to feed them in the middle of the night, who it was who used to change their nappies?!!

They won't care, mind. By this point they would have also developed a rock star attitude and will probably pretend you don't even exist.  They're 'too cool for school' nowadays and have an image to maintain with their fans.

But you hold the trump card, my friend.  If they refuse to part with hard cash then you can run straight to the tabloids and sell any old story about them - you SHALL have the last laugh....

So there you have it.

Good luck, let me know how you get on.

*Disclaimer - musodad himself has never completed the 10 step process above and he accepts no responsibility for any damages caused to anyone attempting to complete it.  To be honest, his advice is a bit rubbish and if you follow it religiously then I'm afraid you really are a silly sausage.

5 bands I've been listening to in March

Before my Girls Aloud-like blogging hiatus (it probably doesn't bode well for my blogging comeback seeing as they've disappeared again now!) I used to write a regular blog post about bands I'd been listening to that month. Well, I say 'regular' but I only got around to writing one post before I disbanded my blog. If you're curious about what I was listening to this time last year, and who i wrote about in that post, then please have a butchers here - 5 bands I've been listening to in February

If you're still here, and are not currently watching the Bucks Fizz clip of 'My Camera Never Lies' on repeat on You Tube, then you'll be pleased / not really bothered (delete as applicable) about hearing that I am resurrecting the feature right here, right now.

So here you go - 5 bands I've been listening to in March :

1. Steve Mason

I used to love The Beta Band. They were so unique and are still highly regarded in music circles. How many bands nowadays would release an EP with all 4 songs being over 6 minutes long and one of them being 15 minutes long?! The 4 songs on 'The Patty Patty Sound EP' last longer than most albums these days and 'The House Song' & 'She's the One' are two of the best b-sides ever.

Anyway, the reason I'm banging on about The Beta Band is cause the rather excellent Steve Mason used to be their lead singer. I've been loving his new album "Monkey Minds in the Devil's Time" the past month ever since hearing his latest single 'Oh my Lord' on BBC6 Music. It's already one of my favourite songs of the year and will definitely be near the top of my list at the end of it. Here's the video to it if you want to have a listen. Enjoy -

2. Jagwar Ma

When I heard the song 'The Throw' by this Aussie band earlier this year it blew me away and I haven't been able to stop listening to it since. It was like a throwback to early 90s baggy with a lick of 2013 music paint on it. Sorry, I know that sounds shit but trust me, these guys are good.

Find out for yourself here -

3. Ride

I've always been a massive Indie Kid and one of my favourite music genres in the last 25 years (around the time I ditched Then Jerico for John Peel, bless 'em) has been shoegazing. Ride, along with Chapterhouse and The Boo Radleys, are one of my favourite bands from that era and on chatting to a few people on twitter about Ride last month I decided to go back and have a listen to them.

'Nowhere' has always been my favourite album, as it was the one that got me into them and it also contains 'Vapour Trail', my favourite song of theirs. However, it's the album 'Going Blank Again' which I haven't been able to put down in the past month. From the amazing 8 minute opener 'Leave them all behind' (sorry, can't stop banging on about long songs today) through to the janglyness of 'Twisterella' and fantastic guitar riffs on 'Not Fazed', the album proved there was a lot more to them than shoegazing.

Anyway, I'm in a jangly music kind of mood today so have a listen to 'Twisterella' here and decide for yourself -

4. The History of Apple Pie

After banging on about the early 90s and shoegazing above, here's a recent band who are heavily influenced by both.

I saw THOAP support The Drums about 18 months ago and really enjoyed them, however, I've only rediscovered them this year and am really glad I did. Listening to them makes me feel 15 all over again.

Their whole debut album is great but here's the song 'Mallory' to tickle your taste buds -

5. Adam Green & Binki Shapiro

Adam Green (Moldy Peaches) and Binki Shapiro (Little Joy) are one of the coolest duets you will hear all year, if not ever.

I've been gassing for a while now so all I'm going to say regarding this band is 1) check out their latest album, it is a corker and 2) as a little taster check out their song 'Just to make me feel good' below, it is a beauty -

That's it for this month. In true musodad style, I'm also going to start a new Spotify playlist, similar to the one I promised when I first started this feature over a year ago, and which only made it to 5 songs. You can listen to all of the above songs here - New musodad Express monthly 2013  I'll update this playlist as I write new blog posts on what I've been listening to. The posts won't be monthly this time around but sporadic, I just can't commit to regular blog posts these days mainly cause I'm a bit rubbish.  If this playlist makes it to 10 songs it will be a major achievement, trust me.

If you're new here, thanks for stopping by and reading. If you've been here before then thanks for returning and for sticking by me after my time away. You're all very beautiful people and your support is very much appreciated.

Would love to hear what you've been listening to recently as well so please leave your recommendations in the comments section below. You know me, I'm always up for listening to something new and there's a chance that band could get written about next time.

Cheers all and hope to see you back again soon.

Introducing the New musodad Express

(Please read with the tune to 'Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band' in your head)

"It was one year ago today, musodad decided to call it a day,

He'd only been blogging a while, and the blogging thing made him smile,

So let me introduce to you his latest blog project - the New musodad Express blog.

It's the New musodad Express, I hope you will enjoy my blog,

It's the New musodad Express, I hope reading it won't be a slog.

It's the New muso, it's the New muso, it's the New musodad Express.

It's wonderful to be back cause blogging is a thrill, you're such a lovely audience, I hope you'll read at home with us, I hope you'll read at home.

I didn't really want to close my blog, but my life became slightly clogged, my work life balance was shite, and gave me too many sleepless nights,

So let me introduce to you, the man who hasn't written for about a year and the New musodad Express blog...

Muuuuuusssoooooodaaaaddd..."


"What would you do if I sang out of tune?..." Erm, sorry Ringo, that's the end of the blog post mate.

'musodad announces split'

(Pretend you're all in a Press Conference-type situation)

Hi everyone

Can you all hear me okay at the back? Great.

Today, with regret, I'm announcing the split of 'musodad'.

It's been on the cards for a while - in January I announced I was taking a break from Blogging due to differences in my work / life balance and then later that month my Blog got contaminated by a bad pop song (on purpose) to make the break official.  However, I just couldn't stop thinking about Blogging and what my comeback post would be. Now, after that 2 Blog Post comeback, it's time to hang up my laptop once and for all.

I LOVE Blogging. I love the community feel, I love the banter and I just love writing stuff.

It's been loads of fun over the last 6 months but now I need to get my priorities straight. My homelife and work have suffered over this time and it has reached a point where this can no longer happen. The only solution is to take a permanent break from it (sorry for sounding over dramatic but I'm gutted to be giving up something that I love doing).

I could again say that I'm just going to take another break but I know the same thing will happen and I'll just be itching to write again. I really need to draw a line under it for good and concentrate on other stuff.

Thank you for reading, bigging up my blog, for all your comments, kind words, help, support, for tagging me in memes, for sending me CDs to review, which I never actually got round to reviewing (I promise I'll send them back. For the record, 'The Land of Sometimes' and 'Music for Baby (Jazz Nursery Rhymes)' are brilliant!) and for following me on here and on Twitter over the last 6 months. Thank you for making me laugh, making me cry (in a nice way), for making me realise there are some great friends out there waiting to be discovered (I've only met two Bloggers in person - @mammasaurusblog and @romanianmum - and they are absolutely fantastic people. I'd love to meet more of you in the future) - you are all bloody brilliant.

You never know, when things are back to normal, I might become the Blogger equivalent of a 'session musician' - a 'Session Blogger' perhaps - dipping in and out to help Bloggers when they need it. Guest posting here and there if you'll have me. I might even be like Doctor Who and re-generate into someone completely different like...erm Ralph Jones from Bognor (if your name IS Ralph Jones from Bognor, please don't sue me, it's just an example). Who knows what the future holds?

There is one regular feature which I was looking forward to continuing - '5 Bands I've been listening to this month' - the Music/Dad Blogger @Daley_84 is doing something similar on his excellent Blog Comfort in Sound so please pop over and start reading his monthly update instead. Also, @belfast_dad does a brilliant regular Tuesday Track feature on his Blog - so make sure you check that out too.

Before I go I want to leave you with a little song. It was the song my parents named me after and I feel it is a fitting finale. It is dedicated to all of you. I am Simon Smith, you are my 'amazing dancing bears'. It is also appropriate that my dad would look like Randy Newman if he had bigger hair.

Right, I'm off to speak to BT about getting some Take That-style phone lines set up just in case anyone takes the news of the split badly.

See you in 'The Next Life' (or more than likely on Twitter tonight - yep, I'll still be on there every now and then).

Remember "Once a Blogger, Always a Blogger".

Thank you and goodnight.

*Turns off lights, leaves building*

#silentsunday featuring @mammasaurusblog

Right, I know this blog post is meant to be 'silent' but there's something I need to admit - I've broken the Silent Sunday rules.  You can read them here :

Silent Sunday Rules

I confess (although you can probably tell as I'm in it) I did not take this picture, my wife did. Also, I have said the words 'featuring @mammasaurusblog' in the title, I'm not meant to do this.

If I am going to prove that Parent Bloggers are Rock Stars, however, we need to starting breaking some rules. It's what Rock 'n' Roll (or 'Blog 'n' Roll') is all about.

Also, I wanted to give a shout out to the person who originally started Silent Sunday - her blog is here and is a crackin' read :

Mocha Beanie Mummy

Finally to join in with this week's Silent Sunday link up, now hosted at Love All Blogs, go here :

Love All Blogs Silent Sunday Link Up

Right, in true Rock Star (or Blog Star) style I'm off to throw my laptop out of my bedroom window!

Actually, on second thoughts, I might throw it out my daughter's Wendy House window instead to mimimise the damage. Must also remember to put a pillow down, on the ground outside the window, first.

Actually, I'm going to scrap that idea altogether as it's a bit rubbish.

5 bands I've been listening to in February

Right, there are only 3 people who can revive this blog and get it out of quarantine. Hang on a minute, Tarquin, my PR Adviser, needs to tell me something...

Erm...there's now only 2.  The third, Gregg Jevin, is unfortunately no longer with us.  So, without further ado, here they are. Take it away Beefy and Taz!

Right. *checks under bed* It looks like that bad pop group have finally gone. *looks in wardrobe*. Yep, we've got the all clear. Phew. Many thanks to Beefy and Taz. You run along now chaps and do whatever you erm...do.

To mark the return of 'musodad' I thought I'd update my blog with '5 bands I've been listening to in February'. This will become a new regular feature on the blog and will form part of the new 'musodad Monthly 2012' Spotify playlist that you can follow here - The musodad Monthly 2012

Oh and it won't be just new bands that will be included in this, there'll probably be something old, something new, something borrowed but I can confirm that the band Blue will definitely not be appearing anywhere on these pages.

So, without further ado, here are 5 bands I've been listening to this month...


1. Django Django

In 3 days time I will be seeing this band and fellow parent blogger @mammasaurusblog (aka Annie) is going too!

It was Annie who got me into them in the first place and since they released their debut album at the end of January it hasn't been off my erm...Spotify.

Very much looking forward to seeing them and also meeting Annie. It will be my first blogger meet up and she has been one of the bloggers who has inspired / helped me the most since I started 'musodad'. She is a Legend in blogging circles.

It will also be good to confirm that all you Parent Bloggers out there do actually exist and I'm not just part of some weird Truman Show-type stunt that's being shown on parent blogs across the globe. I will definitely discuss this with my hairdresser tomorrow as she likes conspiracy theories.  What if she's in on it as well though?!

Anyway, enough of me being paranoid, if you want to know what Django Django sound like, here's them doing one for their best songs - called 'Storm' - live -

2. The Maccabees

Another band (like Django Django) who were featured on my 31 Bands to fall in love with in 2012 Spotify playlist and although their third album has had mixed reviews, I reckon it's a corker.

It takes a few listens but I'm now officially hooked and can't stop listening to it.
The first single from the album was 'Pelican' and it's a beauty. You can listen to it here -

3. The Darling Buds

Do you know what I love about Spotify? That you can search for the name of a song / band and discover, or re-discover, a completely different band who you then can't stop listening to. That's the reason why I've been listening to 'Pop Said' by The Darling Buds so much this month.

I was putting together an NME Chart playlist for this year, searched for 'Hit the Ground Superman' by The Big Pink and re-discovered 'Hit the Ground' by The Darling Buds. I loved them when I was younger and now I'm loving them all over again. The album is a gem, every song is very catchy and I reckon it would be HUGE if it was released now.

That same night I tweeted I was listening to them and got into a conversation with @GoingUndrground who also hadn't heard them in ages. He listened to them, we both agreed they were amazing and we 'man hugged' over Twitter. Sort of.

If you don't know them, here they are on Top of the Pops playing 'Hit the Ground' which was their biggest hit at the time (ps in his autobiography Alex James from Blur confessed to having an affair with the lead singer. You didn't hear it from me, right? *taps nose with finger*) -

4. Bucks Fizz

Yes I can confirm that isn't a mis-print, it really does say 'Bucks Fizz' and, you know what, I'm not ashamed of it?! I probably should tell you how this came about though, shouldn't I?!

Last month @relucthousedad asked everyone for 'unlikely guitar solos' on Twitter. One of mine I put forward was 'The Land of Make Believe' by Bucks Fizz. Listening to it transported me back to nights out at 'Guilty Pleasures' in Camden and as their debut album was the first I ever bought I decided to go back and have a listen.

Yep, okay, they did record some real shockers - 'Talking in your sleep' being one - but songs like 'Piece of the action', 'Making your mind up' and 'If you can't stand the heat' are pop classics.

My favourite though has to be 'My camera never lies', if this was released now it would be MASSIVE. Pete Paphides, Caitlin Moran's husband, said on Twitter last week that it sounds like The Futureheads. They were way ahead of their time and there WILL be a revival this year (2018 at the latest). You heard it here first!

Your first step in joining the cult is to listen to that particular song here (wearing of bad leather jackets with cut off sleeves / waistcoats is optional) -

5. Then Jerico

When I was 13/14 years old, Then Jerico were my favourite band. I knew the words to all their songs and I'd annoy the hell out of my dad singing along to them all the time in the car. I even wrote their name on my school bag which, as you know, is the mark of a true fan.
But then something happened, I started getting into obscure indie bands (courtesy of John Peel) and I fell out of love with them. You can read more about that time here - Introducing 'musodad's Yuletide 24' playlist

So why now, after 22 years, are they appearing in my blog post of bands I've listened to this month?! Well, it's all thanks to @bryony32

There's a meme going around at the moment called 'MP3 Shuffle'. You put your iPod on shuffle and blog about the first 5 tracks that play. One of @bryony32's songs was 'Big Area' by Then Jerico. I had a listen, remembered how much I used to love them and even went a bit tingly.

Then when we were discussing them on Twitter, @randompearlsof mentioned he used to like them too and it turned into one massive Then Jerico love-in (especially between @bryony32 and the lead singer's eyes!)

I listened to them the very next day - the WHOLE of 'The Big Area' album without skipping ANY songs - and do you know what, they still sound pretty good? Some of the songs from their first album also stand the test of time.

I'd therefore like to take this opportunity to apologise to Mark Shaw, the lead singer (he's definitely reading), for being a bit unkind to them in the above blog post. I hope we can still be friends (I know we're not friends but if we were it would be great if we could carry on being friends. Even though we're not).

Anyway, the song I've chosen, to add to the playlist, is 'Song for the brokenhearted' cause I know I broke Mark's heart in that blog post and this is me making it up to him. *taps fist on heart* Love you Mark! -

So there you have it. Before I go, I'd just like to thank all of the Tweeters / Bloggers mentioned above. It's been great chatting music with you this month - in fact since I started 'musodad'. 

If anyone else reading has any recommendations of new or old music they think I should be listening to next month then please comment below or Tweet me @musodad and I promise I will check it out.

So, until next time "Good morning, and in case I don't see ya, good afternoon, good evening and good night!" (*whispers* "it's from 'The Truman Show'").

Mix-Tape Monday #11 : A Song I Hate

Warning! This Blog has been contaminated by the very bad song that appears below. It will therefore be placed in quarantine until further notice.

Normal service will resume as soon as possible.

Thank you for your patience.

Love 'n' hugs

Simon Smith, lead singer of 'musodad'
xx

Ps to join in with Mix-Tape Monday click on the badge on the right side of this blog and 'I want my mummy' - The Blogger formerly known as 'Boo and Me' - will tell you how.